Opening Statements

We Know What You Did Last Summer


We asked you for some of your favorite stories from this summer and past ones. Here are some of our faves:

“I’m an intern in a nine-story building in a fairly eco-chic city where many people try to be healthy. That means that most of us prefer to take the stairs instead of the elevator, so there are constantly people in and out of the stairwell. A fellow intern from another unit decided earlier in the week to end her relationship with her boyfriend in said stairwell. Outside of the sheer embarrassment of that conversation, she became enraged and began yelling at him that he only used her for sex. She had to hear the doors opening and closing but seemed more preoccupied with her phone conversation than with being invited back next year.” —Anonymous


Illustration by Jeff Dionise

“I began my career with a large, big-city law firm in the mid-’80s, when summer clerks were still indulged like rock stars and drinking to excess on a regular basis was still part of the culture. At a lavish dinner party at one of the senior partner’s homes, one of our male summer clerks decided to toss one of the litigation partners into the pool to see if his “rug” would come off. It did. Another summer associate in that “class” violated the firm’s anti-nepotism policy by becoming romantically involved with a senior associate. We’ve been happily married for 20 years now.” —Anonymous


Illustration by Jeff Dionise

“One Friday afternoon many years ago, a summer intern was asked to take a document to a client’s house for execution. The client lived in a secluded, expensive town outside of the city that would be about 45 minutes to an hour each way on a good day, let alone on a sunny Friday afternoon in the summer. The intern resisted, as he had other plans. The assigning lawyer gently insisted. The intern resisted again, saying it was too far to cab and he didn’t have a car. The assigning lawyer told him to rent a car. Knowing he was defeated, the intern left the office, document in hand, to rent a car. His choice? A Ferrari.

“Even back then, it was ridiculously expensive. Worse, the incident leaked to local papers. While the firm may have been embarrassed, the intern quickly became a local folk hero among other interns. However, even with all that, I’m not sure it could be called a blunder, as it was quite deliberate! —Zoom


“A law clerk from last summer sent friend requests on Facebook to some of the attorneys in our firm (I think that was stupid to begin with). I, along with a couple of others, accepted and got to see quite a few pictures of her in chains, whips, leather and wigs. No, it was not a Halloween costume. She was not invited back this summer.” —Just another lawyer


“My friend went to a top-tier Ivy-League school; the best intern story came from one of her classmates. The young summer associate in question got drunk at an event and told a joke that featured incest, menstruation and pedophilia to a group of partners. The next day, as they were trying to figure out how and when to end her summer, most of the partners were shocked when she brazenly suggested that, since she was sleeping with the managing partner, not only would she continue her summer but receive an offer.

“Result?

“She received an offer, and the managing partner lost his management role when he had a physical altercation with the junior partner she was also sleeping with.

“How I love summertime, when the living is easy.” —TLee

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