Reluctant to Network? Try These Tips and ‘Starter Questions’

Esq.
Aug 18, 2009 8:44 AM CST

I can’t believe the author is recommending that someone ask a total stranger how they would fix something as president.  Unless you’re networking at a political event, you should NEVER talk politics.

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Jason Dial
Aug 21, 2009 1:25 AM CST

This article is dumb.

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DJ
Aug 21, 2009 5:50 AM CST

I had to look at my calendar to make sure it’s not April Fool’s Day. These are supposed to be great questions to pose to someone you’ve just met at a networking event? Give me a break. Asking about charged issues like politics or how the economy’s affecting you is just plain dumb - I couldn’t agree more with the other commenters.

Here’s a better list of questions:
http://topten.org/public/AA/AA443.html

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Rex
Aug 21, 2009 6:45 AM CST

So, do you like movies about gladiators?  Ever been inside a Turkish prison?  Ever seen a grown man naked?

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InDaHouze
Aug 21, 2009 7:11 AM CST

Rex—thanks for the Friday morning laugh.  I agree these questions are ridiculous.

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Houston Lawyer
Aug 21, 2009 7:19 AM CST

Russell - that’s a bit old fashioned.  What if someone couldn’t care less about university sports teams.  I went to a small liberal arts college and didn’t care about my law school sports teams, so I have no interest in discussing college sports and that would be a complete conversation stopper.  Also, some people actually do not have children.  So, where do you go from there?

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Q
Aug 21, 2009 7:33 AM CST

Houston, the concept is general ice-breaking, where both parties WANT to talk to each other, but can’t get a conversation going. If you actually had a whole lot in common, you wouldn’t need to break the ice!  75% of it is feigning interest in something.

If that fails, a discussion about a lack of interest in college sports serves the same purpose.  E.g.; I don’t have kids, but I’ve learned the 5 or 6 questions you can ask an attorney-parent that gets the conversation going.

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JB
Aug 21, 2009 8:06 AM CST

Actually, YeeeeeehAW!, a networking event in the appropriate niche you are trying to penetrate is one of the best ways to make contact on an informal basis with the people you are trying to make your new clients. 

I am not a fan of these questions as they are too contrived and easily seen as such.

Further, I don’t know what a “lawyer coach” is, but as a Marketing & Rainmaking Professional, I teach my client how to get new clients;  I also coach my clients - I follow up with them to make sure that they are achieving what they want to accomplish; steer them in the right directioni if they are not. 

And yes, I am an attorney.

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RRV
Aug 21, 2009 8:45 AM CST

Well, #2 started me off.  I was laughing so hard that people at the office were asking me if I am okay.  And it just got funnier and funnier.  Didn’t need my coffee this morning.  Little did I know when I started law school that reading ABA blogs would make me pee in my pants.  And that definitely wouldn’t help me network.  So cut it out!

I am not a coach or anything remotely resembling a coach—or a player—but I have learned two things.  One is to approach networking as an opportunity to help other people—which means that you have to find out what they need.  Then assess whether you have what they need.  Second, people like to talk about THEMSELVES.  We are a self-centered bunch; we have to be, I guess.

I met a young lawyer who, when we were all seated at a lunch table, suggested that we play a game.  First, we had to go around and say our name and where we were from.  Then we had to tell everyone what our ideal job would be.  Then say what would we most want to do (I said fly a fighter jet).  And why.  And that got us going.  While it was great to talk about myself (and I am a pretty interesting person), what hit me just now is that I remember her name and what firm she was with.  And this was years ago.  And isn’t that the point?

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new associate
Aug 21, 2009 8:58 AM CST

Wow, so it looks like the only person more socially inept than most lawyers is the “lawyer coach.”

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Larisa K
Aug 21, 2009 9:17 AM CST

I got a problem with the whole cookie-cutter mentality the author espouses. There is no such thing as a universally appropriate ice-breaker question. All of the ones on the list might work or might result in a disaster depending on who you’re talking to. Networkers should use their brains a little. You have to learn to analyze your environment, take cues from people around you, and ask questions that are tailored to the specific individual instead of looking for one size fits all approach. If you’re at a Democratic Party fundraiser, sure, bring up politics, but if you are at a dinner celebrating young attorneys from disadvantaged backgrounds, asking whether they went to the Hamptons in the summer with their parents is a sure way to alienate people.

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robert
Aug 21, 2009 9:54 AM CST

The idea of networking is to make business contacts.  Three of these four questions are useless.  I don’t want contacts whose businesses are suffering from the economy, I want contacts that are doing business. I don’t care what the person would do as president, unless I’m looking to help with the campaign. I don’t care about his childhood experiences, unless I’m a shrink looking for a new client, or possibly a travel agent wanting to sign him up for a nostalgic trip in the future. As a lawyer, I might care about their generational difficulties, if I handle age discrimination suits.
It’s networking.  I want to know how I join THEIR network, meaning how do I know their prospects when I meet them so I can recommend their business, and hey, MAYBE they’ll do the same for me, y’ reckon?

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Lisa
Aug 21, 2009 10:22 AM CST

Show genuine interest in the other person.  I see many attorneys making the mistake of trying too hard to generate business from a networking function.  Marketing statistics show that it takes approx 6-7 contacts with the same person to build a relationship and possibly generate business.  Going to an event is just one contact opportunity.  You have to find ways to keep in touch with people you meet over a much longer period of time.  Knowing what interests them, and trying to genuinely help them by sending them articles, referrals, etc. does work. It is important to remember that they likely don’t need your legal advice right this minute, but they may in the future, so you want to be in the back of their mind over a period of time until something does come up.  Practice patience and have confidence in yourself.

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Jeff
Aug 21, 2009 11:45 AM CST

At my next networking event, I’m going to start off by mentioning this article and the author’s absurd suggested questions—it will be sure to break the ice and get some laughs.  I think the author inadvertently did provide some good ammunition for networking.  By the way, I do not like movies about gladiators, have never been inside a Turkish prison, nor have I seen another grown man naked.  Thanks for the laugh, Rex.

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Greg
Aug 21, 2009 1:11 PM CST

I hope Ms. Bruce did not hope this article would be a great advertisement for her services. Those are the worst networking icebreakers I’ve ever seen. I would definitely advise any younger associates NOT to use any of those questions to start a conversation. Ask a question that you really want to know the answer to.

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Anonymous
Aug 21, 2009 7:26 PM CST

Tim, asking about alcohol could be a problem if the lawyer you’re talking to doesn’t drink.  I happen to fall in that category & talking about my alcoholic father tends to put a damper on the festivities (though I mention that drinking will make me more quiet & if you see me doing it, it means I’m miserable + trying to hold back). 

I don’t like any of these “suggested questions” & can’t see myself asking them.  I’ve usually just talked to those approaching me & stuck to asking about what practice area one works in, their aspirations and so forth.  My area’s unusual & lots of people like hearing about it so I’ve tried sticking to events where entertainment lawyers will be present; then I ask for insights/advice/etc.  I also have the advantage of approaching everyone as an equal since I don’t have to impress anyone.  At least I do get the opportunity to invite people to screenings & let them see our website.

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B. McLeod
Aug 21, 2009 9:59 PM CST

The “lawyer coach” is constituted by throwing some fairy dust on a ‘79 Gremlin, but it reverts to its true form at midnight.

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Stacey Langenbahn
Aug 24, 2009 8:49 AM CST

Ms. Bruce is my lawyer coach and I hold her in the highest regard.  After 15 years of practice in law firms, I hung out my own shingle four years ago.  Had it not been for Ms. Bruce’s excellent support, guidance, and personal and business coaching, I would not have survived.  Nor would I have found the courage to follow my passion and to craft an innovative style of mediation that will carry me through the next twenty years of my legal service.  Ms. Bruce is a gifted and experienced lawyer, well regarded by the Bar in Texas.  She works tirelessly to better our profession and it is truly unfortunate that her peers have chosen to judge and ridicule her based on an obviously incomplete article. Lesson learned for all: there is a danger in jumping to conclusions about a person’s qualifications, credentials, and aptitude without having full information.

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R
Aug 24, 2009 10:28 AM CST

Best suggestion so far is #28: “Next networking-type event I’m at, I will be snickering to myself just thinking about this thread. Then someone will approach me and say, “Hey, what’s so funny?” Then, the networking will begin!”

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