What a Law Firm Quarterly Earnings Report Would Say
Although law firms in the U.S. aren’t currently allowed to sell shares to non-attorney investors, American partners are keeping a close eye on the growing number of foreign competitors that do. (Australia presently allows law firms to go public, and the United Kingdom is poised to follow in Australia’s footsteps.)
If this situation changes and U.S. law firms jump on this bandwagon, too, they of course would have to file quarterly earnings reports like any other public company. And if that happens, it appears from a hypothetical Biglaw Inc., earnings report prepared by law blogger David Lat for a satirical New York Observer piece, they are either going to have to find a way to lose some of the lavish perks that characterize BigLaw life or use their attorney skills to obfuscate them in a lot of legalese.
Otherwise, shareholders’ eyebrows likely will shoot up as they read excerpts from “earnings reports” like Biglaw’s:
“Business conditions remain difficult,” said managing partner George Owens. “The firm is being squeezed on both ends. Clients are tired of paying $300 an hour for a junior associate who knows nothing. Meanwhile, those same junior associates demand $160,000 starting salaries, 18 weeks of paid parental leave, and Swedish massages on Fridays. Something has to give.”
Hat tip: Deal Book (New York Times).
