Question of the Week
‘You’re Outplaced.’ What’s the Best Euphemism You’ve Ever Heard?
Posted Dec 22, 2008 11:36 AM CST
By Molly McDonough
It's one thing to be told directly, "You're fired." But does it really soften the blow to hear "you're outplaced" or "you're being retired?"
These are just a couple of the terminal euphemisms we've seen recently on ABAJournal.com. The Financial Times points out an array of semantic sidesteps that companies take when delivering the bad news: "dynamic rightsizing" (dotcom crash); or "Credit Suisse accelerates implementation of strategic plan" (layoff of 5,300 employees).
While these euphemisms do very little to ease the pain for the affected workers, the FT notes that a softer message makes life easier for those doing the firing.
This made us wonder what creative re-phrasings you've heard or come up with to soften the blow that harsher words might inflict.
So tell us ...
What's the best euphemism you've ever heard? Please share the phrasing and the context in the comments section below.
Read the question and answers from last week's question about most unusual document service anecdote.
Our favorite answer from last week:
Posted by Renn: "I represented a gentleman in an uncontested divorce case. He was served by his wife in one of the nastiest ways… She had called up one of those telegram service companies that do the singing telegrams, hired a 'Santa,' and provided the Santa with a wrapped gift to hand over after he was finished singing 'We wish you a Merry Christmas.' My client opened the package and discovered the divorce papers. Some happy holidays."
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Comments
Ella
Dec 23, 2008 7:10 AM CST
One of the most disturbing terms I ever heard was from an English friend of mine years ago who confided to me, “I am quite worried about my parents; my father has been declared redundant by his firm.”
It’s bad enough to lose one’s job, but the implications of being “redundant” are much deeper than that.
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Law
Dec 23, 2008 8:17 AM CST
I am slightly better off in that I still have a job, but my firm “realigned” me to “play to my strengths.” My strengths, however, came with no annual bonus and a $30,000 pay cut.
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Lou
Dec 23, 2008 8:24 AM CST
At a previous firm there was a “Termination Assistance Program” or “TAP”. Employees were not fired, they were “tapped”. It gave me a vision of employees sitting at their desks and the HR person “tapping” them on the shoulder with a sword as if knighting them. In actuality the “package” was very generous.
Lou
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Kafka Esquire
Dec 23, 2008 8:49 AM CST
Before going in-house, I represented several IT start-ups, many of which seemed to be led by founders with an MBA in buzzword management.
My favorite client used the phrase “return selected colleagues to the community.”
Another used the term “Fix-Mix” (fixing the skills mix in the organization).
The biggest head scratcher, used as part of a “reshaping,” included the practice of proposing that certain partners “de-equitize their relationship with [firm name]..”
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Lily
Dec 23, 2008 8:58 AM CST
I’ve always loved the term used in the federal government. We rarely have layoffs, but when we do, we tell people they’ve been “riffed.” RIF is an acronym standing for Reduction In Force.
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Annie Q
Dec 23, 2008 9:20 AM CST
The euphemism peopleuse for abandoning a pet could work for firing people, too . . . “We no longer had a place for Joe, so we set him free to find the right home.”
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Lee Dickinson
Dec 23, 2008 9:27 AM CST
“Congratulations!” bellows the managing partner of the large, regional law firm. “You’ve been made a NON-EQUITY SHAREHOLDER* of the firm.”
“I’m so excited!” replies the long-struggling senior associate. “What does that mean for me?”
“Your business card and the firm website change,” replies the managing partner.
*In other words, you are a holder of shares who does not hold any shares.
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Old Yeller
Dec 23, 2008 9:31 AM CST
I guess that’s better than, “We’re going to take Joe for a ride in the country.”
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JDirk
Dec 23, 2008 10:38 AM CST
To be set loose from the shackles of labor!
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Harold Moore
Dec 23, 2008 11:18 AM CST
In the construction industry the common term for termination is “Hit him or her in the ass with his or hers paycheck.”
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Richard Mooney
Dec 23, 2008 12:20 PM CST
My favorite is “redeployed outside the company”.
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Carl
Dec 23, 2008 2:46 PM CST
To a relatively new hire: “last-in first-out.”
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Carol Longoria
Dec 23, 2008 2:48 PM CST
In higher ed employees are encouraged to “pursue excellence elsewhere.” Ouch!
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cinderella
Dec 23, 2008 4:22 PM CST
was told i was being “eliminated”—i hadn’t realized i was on a reality show.
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Kelley
Dec 23, 2008 5:03 PM CST
Where I worked it was “JD’d,” for “job discontinuance.” Nothing had happened to you, of course; it was your job that had been discontinued. A year or two later, the company generally discovered that the job in question was vitally important and had to be recontinued, so someone younger, less qualified and much less expensive was hired to fill it.
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Ben
Dec 23, 2008 7:23 PM CST
“There is no longer an internal market for your services.”
Other people thought the words were cruel. I thought they were apt. I had told a partner a few weeks before, “I don’t think you’re buying what I’m selling.”
All for the best.
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vg
Dec 24, 2008 1:52 PM CST
No necessarily related to law, but I have noticed a certain trend to euphemisms.
When I was in junior high, we called people who made sure the building was running properly “janitors.” Then in highschool and college they were referred to as “custodians” (who knows of what), and now, I quite often hear the term “building engineer” used to describe someone who does the exact same thing. I’m not saying they should be respected any less for what they do, simply noting a trend.
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Digger
Dec 24, 2008 5:30 PM CST
In my last career, as jobs were being reduced and everyone was asked to do more work with less staff, the management hit upon the brilliant move of bringing in an arrogant, shaved-headed, turtlenecked consulting a—hole to tell the employees we were being “empowered.”
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Julie Byrd
Dec 25, 2008 7:57 PM CST
It can’t get much worse than active-duty military. You can’t get fired, you get court-martialed. And then you serve time in Ft. Leavenworth, Kansas. At least while you’re in the pokey, you get paid. That can’t be too bad.
If you’re lucky, you’ll escape the whole penal thing by an Article 15 “non judicial” firing. That’s called “EOAS” which stands for End Of Active Service.
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Freddy J.
Dec 26, 2008 7:04 AM CST
The best euphemism I ever heard was “We are going to let you go.” In fact, I heard this phrase about twenty minutes after one of the partners caught me looking at this web-site instead of actually working.
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George Sly
Dec 26, 2008 11:13 AM CST
In my previous career, I was Riff’ed “reduction in force” which is what happens when you’re department in the company is sold to another company who already have people doing your job. I agree with Ella that the term used by the British of being redundant is probably the worst.
I do make the distinction however that being laid off is different from being fired. To my generation being fired is for cause, you either didn’t do your job or you misbehaved. To my generation being fired smacks of dishonor, being laid off, just bad luck.
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That Guy from Bolingbrook
Dec 26, 2008 5:27 PM CST
“Upskilled”: The euphemism used by my last employee to discribe and employee who was going to be fired as a part of a “restructuring” supposedly to be replaced by someone better suited for the job, i.e.: “His position is being upskilled.”
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Effie Merkensen
Dec 27, 2008 4:01 PM CST
I got “FWAR"ked. Furloughed Without Agreement to Retire”
I refused to sign a release and retain the ability to sue under ADEA. I am told my claim is weak, but thought it better to preserve my options then to sign the release and take the $3800.
As long as I was FWARked, I figure that I still have one more option left.
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