Question of the Week
What’s Your Favorite Way to Break the Ice When Networking?
Posted Aug 19, 2009 2:08 PM CST
By Molly McDonough
We heard about some tips this week from a careers coach who advises lawyers on ways to get the conversation rolling when they're out to network and build relationships.
We were intrigued by the tips, which include going to a networking event with a few ice-breaker questions in mind.
This made us wonder about your experiences with networking.
Tell us ...
What's worked for you to get a conversation started at an after-hours networking event? And what have been your experiences with networking functions? Have these relationships led to new business or career advancement? Or have you found the whole thing to be a big waste of time and effort?
Answer in the comments below.
Read answers to last week's question: Do You Do Work on Your Laptop in Cafés?
Featured Answer:
Posted by BrianL: "I learned a valuable lesson early in my career NOT to conduct business OR to talk abut it in public. I was at lunch one day and overheard a conversation and realized it was about a deal related to one of my engagements. It turned out the person was a paralegal for the lawyer on the other side.
"By the end of the conversation I knew what they were willing to settle the issue for and it was much higher than what my client was willing to settle for. As a result my client ended up with a much better settlement than he expected and I was authorized to say yes to.
"I did notify the lawyer of the issue after the settlement was paid.
"There is an old adage that nothing about business goes beyond firm's doors and it is as relevant today as then."
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Comments
J.D.
Aug 19, 2009 2:54 PM CST
I find that asking, “Why is Obama hiding his birth certificate?” usually generates a lot of conversation. Plus, you can easily determine who is capable of having a rational discussion and who is easily driven to apoplexy; in other words, you can figure out who you’d want to work with and who you’d want to avoid.
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jh
Aug 19, 2009 3:02 PM CST
Exactly, J.D. You nailed it. For instance, in my case, I would figure out I wouldn’t want to work with you.
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Nick
Aug 19, 2009 5:35 PM CST
Hahahahahaaha!! Oh dude, that was a bust! LOL.
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AndytheLawyer
Aug 19, 2009 5:57 PM CST
Other equally testworthy conversation starters are: (1) “Why are conservatives universally bitter and defeated?”; (2) Why can’t Sarah Palin find a new job?”; (3) Why didn’t the gun nuts now carrying weapons to Obama public appearances also carry them to Bush public appearances?” and (4) “Hey little girl - Want some candy?”
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J.D.
Aug 19, 2009 7:38 PM CST
Off topic comment removed by moderator.
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AndytheLawyer
Aug 20, 2009 9:37 AM CST
JD—I didn’t say it was illegal to carry guns to presidential appearances. Nor did Itype that only white folks were carrying them. Scroll up again and read what I actually typed.
However, it is undeniably stupid and pointless to do carry guns to presidential appearances. It’s the second amendment equivalent of shouting “Fire” in a crowded theater.
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Sean
Aug 20, 2009 9:47 AM CST
The ability of this article to evoke good comments/suggestions,
the ability of this articles readers to post good comments/suggestions,
the ability of conservatives and liberals to discuss anything without resorting to vitriol,
all FAIL.
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Muggsy
Aug 20, 2009 10:56 AM CST
Comment removed by moderator.
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J.D.
Aug 20, 2009 2:21 PM CST
I wonder how a response to a fellow commenter can be off topic…
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Bean Counter
Aug 20, 2009 5:13 PM CST
JD’s question to break the ice is a good one. But I gotta admit that Andy’s come back questions are even better.
Personally, I will not use either JD or Andy’s suggestion to break the ice. I will stick with my “so what’s your favorite sport (or movie)?”
Ohh, BTW, JD and Andy, there is no need to respond to my post. I was not trying to break the ice with you.
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EP
Aug 21, 2009 5:58 AM CST
Cordell Parvin taught me that it is important to be yourself at networking events; to treat such functions as any other social event and seek out common interests with people. I’ve found that asking about someone’s family often provides a good opening for conversation. Trying to “sell” is a mistake at these events, but starting a conversation that you can use to build a relationship can be a big benefit in the long run.
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Bill
Aug 21, 2009 5:59 AM CST
And some lawyers wonder why the general public thinks lawyers are all a-holes.
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Jenny
Aug 21, 2009 6:38 AM CST
I’ve found that the best way to break the ice simply is to show a genuine interest in the other person. Ask about their practice and interests, where they’ve worked. The worst thing to do is to try to sell them something - including yourself. People shy (run) away from strangers who obviously want something from them.
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counselorm
Aug 21, 2009 6:49 AM CST
MY favorite ice breaker question (at any event) is: “If I could ask you any question, what would you want me to ask?” People usually have in mind something that they really want to say (usually about themselves) and this gives them the chance to talk about whatever interests them. It also catches people off-guard and can get a chuckle.
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Erin
Aug 21, 2009 7:11 AM CST
Are most attorneys really so socially awkward that ABA Journal thinks we need tips on how to start a conversation?
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Dave Ewert
Aug 21, 2009 7:19 AM CST
I use an ice pick.
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B. McLeod
Aug 21, 2009 7:27 AM CST
First, I really hate it when a networking event has been set up so significantly early that the ice has become all one unmanageable mass like that. However, when I see that people are having trouble extracting the bottle(s) of their choice, I will have someone take the other side of the ice chest or drum and help me lift it a foot or so, then drop it, to jar the ice loose. Sometimes, also, if you can just clear enough of the ice to get a firm hold on a few bottle necks, you can actually move the bottles around to fracture the encasing ice.
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Doug
Aug 21, 2009 7:28 AM CST
I start just by making eye contact and shaking hands. Then I ask any question that will enable me to engage in active listening, usually something that will permit my conversation partners to talk about themselves, either in or outside of work. You’re fishing for connections, and you’ve got to work at it. The most important thing is to develop the capacity to be genuinely interested in what’s important to someone else. If you can do that, the “starter” part will take care of itself. Then remember to exchange contact information so you can follow up.
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change
Aug 21, 2009 8:13 AM CST
Comment removed by moderator.
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RRV
Aug 21, 2009 8:29 AM CST
#17—You are completely awesome. I want to be you when I grow up. I think looking at the world through haze of humor is a great way to live—and probably helps you live longer. Besides, anyone who can see the amusing and absurd in all of us (including himself) will have no trouble breaking the ice.
Just imagine them all in their underwear.
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Chumnie
Aug 21, 2009 8:45 AM CST
With the opposite sex, I usually start with “what’s happening hot stuff” or “what’s your sign?” With guys, it’s “what’s up chump?” You know, the usual way to start conversations. With No. 19, it would be “calm down/take it easy, you’re about to have a heart attack over a non-issue.”
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robert
Aug 21, 2009 9:28 AM CST
@ #15, Erin: Judging by the responses here, I would say that they’d have good reason to suspect that lawyers as a whole are inept at this kind of thing. Look at their favorite response, regarding overhearing a conversation. While containing good anecdotal advice, it has nothing to do with the topic of breaking the ice in a setting intended for networking. Several of the responses are downright idiotic, suggesting that no one takes this subject seriously.
Fact is, networking is about business contacts, and that’s important to any business, including Law, because if no one knows you’re in business, you aren’t, and the people in your firm who bring business in the door are going to receive the best compensation. People who can research and draft briefs are common, but lawyers that bring in business that requires such work are not.
So, here’s my tip. Look around. Watch the crowd, and identify the people who have the most people around them. Collar someone they’ve spoken to and ask them “Who is that? Can you introduce me to them?” and then, rather than tell them about yourself, ask about their business, what they like about it, how they got started, specifically ask for a recent success story that made them glad they do that for a living, and most importantly, who their ideal prospect is, how you’d know them if you met one. Basically you’re saying “I want to know about YOUR business, and how I can help YOU get more business.” Near the end of that conversation, they’ll say “Hey, what is it that YOU do?” and you may just find you’ve made yourself a source of referrals forever.
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Howard
Aug 21, 2009 10:20 AM CST
I think it depends on the type of event. Those which are less formal seem easier to start conversations with people you have just met. Typically, something current is best and I don’t think there is an opening line which trumps others. For example, I attended a dinner with a new group and there was a young lady selling girl scout cookies at the entrance. Since I never refuse, I bought a box. The cookies became a segue to conversations and humerous stories about the things we had to sell as kids and it went from there.
I guess it is about being highly observant and spontaneous which is a singularly difficult thing to do. Whether networking is actually successful is a long term, rather than short term prospect. The best answer is that you never know, but need to keep showing up.
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E. James
Aug 21, 2009 10:26 AM CST
I know of a guy that broke the ice with his truck while fishing last January…
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Astute Observation
Aug 21, 2009 2:09 PM CST
#22 I think you need to re-read the posting. The featured answer/selected response was for the previous week’s question, “Do You Do Work on Your Laptop in Cafés?” The answer makes more sense.
As for the rest of your pose, thanks for the tips.
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txpatentguy
Aug 23, 2009 10:41 AM CST
I generally avoid politically-related comments as an ice-breaker because if the purpose is to network you don’t want to aggravate the person. Just look at comments 1 and 2 above. The weather is almost always a good icebreaker as is a comment on caffeine (“where did you get the coffee” or “do you know if there is any coffee available” etc).
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