Judge Advises Colonoscopy-Averse Lawyers to ‘Get Over It’

Happy Independence Day! Daily news updates resume on Monday.

Judiciary

Judge Advises Colonoscopy-Averse Lawyers to ‘Get Over It’

Posted May 13, 2008, 08:20 am CDT
By Debra Cassens Weiss

A judge says he dreaded his first colonoscopy with the same kind of trepidation reserved for requests for a tax audit and scary parts of the movie Alien.

“I’m not talking here about your basic, ordinary garden-variety bar exam dread,” writes Judge William Bedsworth of the California Court of Appeal in a humor column published in the Recorder (sub. req.). “I’m talking about full-on, under the theater seat with your eyes closed, screaming at Sigourney Weaver not to open that airlock because the scariest monster in the history of the universe is on the other side.”

Bedsworth didn’t relish the prep procedure, which required him to sleep on the bathroom floor after taking pills and drinking Gatorade. Bedsworth’s editors urged him to spare the details. He did say, however, that the Amazing Fantastic Intestinal Cleaning Solution was so powerful it “somehow sucked into and through my lower tract a collection of unswallowed objects that included my wedding ring, two marbles, and an old Eddie Mathews baseball card I hadn’t seen in years.”

But the procedure itself was painless, Bedsworth writes. Really. “This is a no-brainer. The only way you can screw this up—the only way it can hurt you—is if you don’t do it.”

Comments

Report Abuse

Posted by j - 1 month, 3 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 56 minutes ago

I agree. Better to be a major part of the lives of your grandchildren, and to at least be there when they are married, than to be a stranger in a photograph because of silly anxiety over a painless 20 minute colonoscopy exam.
Posted by E - 1 month, 3 weeks, 1 day, 2 hours, 42 minutes ago

Slow news day in the Golden State, hmm?
Posted by Li Yuan - 1 month, 2 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes ago

In China, judges not speak on this. My rule, only do what you want to do. How can Eddie Matthiews baseball card doing up judges ass for so long? Is not cardboard?
Posted by Mark - 1 month, 2 weeks, 5 days, 11 hours, 4 minutes ago

Judge. I’m an old Milwaukee Braves baseball fan. Is the Eddie Mathews card for sale?
Posted by Natalie - 1 month, 2 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 17 minutes ago

I live in Las Vegas. These days, NO ONE is getting colonoscopies here.
Posted by Bill - 1 month, 2 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 31 minutes ago

Having just gone through one of these procedures last week, I can fully attest to the magical power of the Amazing Fantastic Intestinal Cleaning Solution. Stuff came out that I haven’t even eaten yet.

As far as the procedure itself, they gave me something completely misnamed “conscious sedation.” There was no “conscious” about it at all. “Comatose” sedation is a much better descriptor. I went out like a light and woke up what felt like 10 seconds later, but was in fact over an hour. All was done and over. If ya gotta do it, that’s the way to do it.
Posted by Anonymous in Vegas - 1 month, 2 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours, 28 minutes ago

Yes, Natalie is right...iin Las Vegas another way to screw this up to which 40,000+ people can attest, is to have greedy doctors who REUSE syringes and vials of anesthesia for the procedure and pass along Hep A, Hep C, and HIV. NICE! No thanks, I’ll pass on the procedure for awhile.
Posted by GC - 1 month, 2 weeks, 4 days, 21 hours, 24 minutes ago

Isn’t “Pre-Colonoscopy Distress Syndrome” actionable ? Come on, all you creative lawyers out there. You’re mssing out on Millions !
Posted by Marc RN, soon to be JD - 1 month, 2 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 22 minutes ago

Natalie and Vegas,

Greedy people doing things wrong? That happens independant of the utility of a colonoscopy in detecting colon CA. If you have bleeding or other signs indicative of colon CA, then you need to find a good GI doctor to do the procedure, not those charlatans. Don’t hesitate because of a few bad apples, even in Vegas (or just leave Vegas - that isn’t a problem here in Houston).

Personally, I love the trade name of that AFICS : “go-lytely”.
Posted by Fred Hait - 1 month, 2 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 40 minutes ago

The procedure itself was a piece of cake for me--it’s the prep the night before that’s a lousy experience.
Posted by R - 1 month, 2 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 26 minutes ago

Kudos to the judge for publicizing an important, life-saving test in a funny way.

That “Go-Litely” solution IS an amazing cleanser. I felt great for weeks afterward. Walked with a lighter step, for some reason…

Commenting has expired on this post.

ABA Journal - Law News Now

Judiciary