Share Your Favorite Examples of, Um, Poetic Justice

Question of the Week

Share Your Favorite Examples of, Um, Poetic Justice

Posted Jun 26, 2008, 09:25 am CDT
By Molly McDonough

This week we learned about a federal judge in Philly who used a limerick of his own to rule against the Limerick Golf Club. U.S. District Judge Berle Schiller summarized his ruling with this gem:

With arguments hard to resist,
The movant correctly insists,
His joinder was tardy,
And so the third-party
Complaint is hereby dismissed.

His little rhyme got us to thinking about what other judges are channeling their inner poets. So tell us about (and recite for us), the best examples you’ve seen of poetic justice. If you can't think of an example, but have a (clean) limerick itching to get out, please share.

To get the ball rolling, our own Reg Davis has phrased the question in the form of a limerick:

A judge’s opinion in rhymes
Spurs a question for us and our times:
Is it justice poetic
Or sort of pathetic
When limerick mixes with crimes?

Answer in the comments below.

Read last week's question and answers about the greatest threat to the economy.

Our favorite answer from last week:

Posted by Alan Singer: "I think the greatest threat to our economy is a twofold but intertwined threat: our as of unmet needs to switch to a better fuel source and for efficient mass transit infrastructure.

The ideal fuel source would have some or all of the following qualities. It would not be non-renewable. It would not contribute to global warming. It would not be dependent on foreign countries. It would impose an energy neutral carbon footprint. It could be hydrogen, perhaps. Our political leaders’ failure to do everything possible to encourage development of some such new fuel source to replace fossil fuels is ultimately a tremendous failure to all of us.

Our nation’s transportation infrastructure has also evolved based entirely on the availability of cheap and seemingly plentiful gasoline. Mass transit, such as trains, has a huge place in our economy right now that gas prices are soaring. Unless our leaders confront this problem and lead, we will see unbearable consumer price increases and environmental degradation. If global warming’s effects are as severe as some scientists believe, our economy faces tremendous future worsening from global warming’s effects alone."

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Posted by Steve Minor - 2 months, 1 week, 4 days, 19 hours, 42 minutes ago

The only poem I ever saw from a judge is posted on my blog at this link

http://swvalaw.blogspot.com/2008/04/wise-county-circuit-opinion-from-april.html
Posted by Steve Minor - 2 months, 1 week, 4 days, 19 hours, 40 minutes ago

The only poem I ever saw from a judge was this, dated April 1, 1991, from the Circuit Court of Wise County, Virginia:

Dear Counsel:

This is a case of unique species,
not stare decisis, but stare feces.
The court had serious fun with these complex issues as it spoke,
but this opinion, signed the first, is no April Fool joke.

The court considered the entire record as a whole,
and reviewed counsel arguments as they were told.
This is a feeble attempt at judicial humorous prose.
The findings of fact and conclusions of law disclose:

This case involves a V.E.C. “first impression” appeal
by an employee who said a rude word unreal.
Fired for misconduct connected with his job
by a C.E.O. who judged him an insulting insubordinate slob.

Claimant, Walter Cooper, by name
a 20-year employee of “the Pig”, a grocery chain,
missed work due to a workers compensation claim,
and had attempted to organize the labor union game.

His four doctors could not agree
on when his exact return day would be.
So to determine his return to work position
management called Cooper to a 2 1/2 hour “Inquisition”.

Cooper arrived at the private meeting with management three:
the C.E.O., personnel mg’r, store mg’r, and he.
Claimant intended to return to work right now,
but the C.E.O. flaunted his power somehow.

The C.E.O. quarreled about Cooper’s union organizing smut;
told him to return to work, and “keep his mouth shut”;
repeated several demands for claimant to quit -
to all of which Cooper replied, “you’re full of shit”.

Cooper was fired on the spot,
and V.E.C. benefits he was granted not.
Punish him - wash his mouth out with soap,
but don’t hang him with a pink-slpi rope.

It would certainly be a legal mistake,
if one vulgar word would misconduct make.
This expression does not show flagrant disrespect,
nor deliberately defy proper authority I suspect.

Truth is a defense to the tort of slander,
but please forgive me for I meander.
Every dog is entitled to one lawful bite,
so why not allow one naughty word so slight?

If one indelicate word stirs the ire
that’s no cause for a hard-working employee to fire.
Union activity is allowed by Federal law,
and is not a legitmate reason to withdraw.

Webster defines “shit” as “foolishness” or “nonsense”.
Such an editorial makes good common sense
to describe the C.E.O. as “full of” nonsense,
when he attempts to gag the union at Cooper’s expense.

Unions displease some executive bosses,
but not employees who carry their crosses.
V.E.C. and “the Pig” hide behind a dirty phrase
to conceal their prejudice against a union craze.

The V.E.C. conclusion is unsupported by substantial and/or simple evidence
for this reasonable judicial mind accepts a difference.
Here the questions of law are also interpreted by this magistrate,
and the facts do not constitute misconduct, nor insubordinate.

This court finds in favor of the claimant,
and orders the V.E.C. to Cooper make payment.
Counsel for Cooper shall pen a final decree,
and deliver it accordingly for entry to me.

Sincerely,

J. Robert Stump
Judge
(footnotes omitted)

Judge Stump was affirmed on appeal. See Kennedy’s Piggly Wiggly Stores, Inc. v. Cooper, 14 Va. App. 701, 419 S.E.2d 278 (1992).
Posted by Foster S. Goldman, Jr. - 2 months, 1 week, 4 days, 18 hours, 58 minutes ago

Judge Stump’s opinion reminds me of my favorite clean limerick, perhaps suitable for this occasion:

There once was a man from Japan,
Whose poetry just would not scan.
When he was asked why,
He gave this reply:
“It’s because I always try to put as many words into the last line as I possibly can.”
Posted by Marjorie Cohen - 2 months, 1 week, 1 day, 21 hours, 7 minutes ago

From U.S. District Judge Sam Sparks in Hamilton v. City of Austin, 8 F.Supp. 2d 886 (W.D. Tex. 1998), a case in which the plaintiffs tried to enjoin cleaning of a spring-fed pool in order to protect the endangered Barton Creek Salamander.

Barton Springs is a true Austin shrine,
A hundred years of swimming sublime.
Now the plaintiffs say swimmers must go
‘Cause of “stress” to critters, 50 or so.
They want no cleaning ‘cause of these bottom feeders
Saying it’s the law from our Congressional leaders.
But really nothing has changed in all these years
Despite federal laws and these plaintiffs’ fears.
Both salamander and swimmer enjoy the springs that are cool,
And cleaning is necessary for both species in the pool.
The City is doing its best with full federal support,
So no temporary injunction shall issue from this Court.

Therefore, today, Austin’s citizens get away with a rhyme;
But, the truth is, they might not be so lucky the next time.
The Endangered Species Act in its extreme makes no sense.
Only Congress can change it to make this problem past tense.
Posted by Robert Kantowitz - 2 months, 1 week, 5 hours, 32 minutes ago

The graanddaddy of legal poetry was Mackensworth v. American Trading Transp. Co., 367 F. Supp 367 (E.D. Pa. 1967, by Judge Becker.
Posted by Robin Schwartz - 2 months, 1 week, 1 hour, 49 minutes ago

367 F.Supp. 373
D.C.Pa., 1973.
Correct cite for Mackensworth
Posted by Jason Hudson - 2 months, 6 days, 20 hours, 2 minutes ago

Justice Gregory Hobbs of the Colorado Supreme Court begins many of his decisions (especially his water rights decisions) with his own poetry. I believe he even has a collection published.
Posted by Keren Schlomy - 2 months, 6 days, 18 hours, 56 minutes ago

Eighth stanza, last line looks like someone transposed two letters by mistake. - correct “slpi” to “slip”
Posted by John Ellin - 2 months, 26 minutes ago

SUPERIOR COURT OF THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
CIVIL DIVISION
Small Claims and Conciliation Branch

_________________________________

WILLIAM ADLER, ET AL.,

Plaintiff

v.

IMAK WIRELESS, INC.
AND
FAX.COM, INC.,

Defendants

_________________________________

No. 14719-01
Small Claims Magistrate
Judge Goodbread

I think that I shall never see
A Small Claims case worth a single tree.
Yet, a tree whose branches once entwine
And cross the neighbor’s boundary line
May, with its great trunk extended
Out of bounds, have its life ended.
For that is the rule in the case of Sterling
For overhanging branches curling.

While courtesy and common sense
Could have avoided this charged offense,
The right to self-help still continues
In this and similarly governed venues.
Although only God can make a tree,
A mere judge is bound by prior decree.
Thus, a growth onto land abutted
Allows the neighbor to simply cut it.

Yet, unlike the tree, which at least had standing,
The Defendants can’t have what they’re demanding.
For, by cutting a tree before they own it,
They trespassed without having known it.
So that sans shade they could plant new grass,
They must now pay for their trespass.
Although they would at these rights scoff,
They went out on a limb – and sawed it off.

- With apologies to
Alfred Joyce Kilmer
(1886-1918)
Posted by Joel Hurewitz - 1 month, 4 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 35 minutes ago

I am trying to compile a book of poetic justice. So far I have found almost 60 examples. Does anyone have the citations to the Wise County case or to Justice Hobbs’ poetic opinions?

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