In 2018, an Arizona lawyer with an incurable disease shared his biggest regret: He hadn’t listened well enough. This might be a common misgiving among lawyers, whose verbal skills are often more highly developed than their listening abilities.

Writing anonymously in the Arizona Attorney Magazine, in an essay called, “Musings of a Dead Lawyer Walking,” he put it this way: “My top regret is not having listened better to a whole litany of people—colleagues, opposing lawyers, judges, clients, witnesses, friends, my wife, etc. I often was too busy thinking of what I was sure would be my clever or witty retort or my next question. Other times I was too busy thinking about my problems or worries of the day. I know I could have gained and offered a lot more if I had simply spent more time truly listening.”

Looking back over seven decades at age 81, I’d add another common lawyer regret: not expressing gratitude frequently enough—especially to the people who make our daily lives run. How often do you thank the person who fixes your car, mows your lawn, cleans your office or repairs your plumbing?

As a lawyer, you already know why this can feel oddly complicated. When I’ve been tempted to send a quick note of appreciation—say, to the person who maintains my furnace—the lawyer voice kicks in: What if the work turns out to be faulty? If I end up in a dispute, could my friendly message come back to bite me?

I began to rethink that reflex while researching a chapter on economist Paul McCracken for my book on the history of the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. McCracken was an adviser to eight presidents and served as chair of the Executive Office of the President’s Council of Economic Advisers. Despite heavy demands on his time, he wrote hundreds of thank-you letters—many to political leaders but plenty to people who provided everyday services. Here are a few:

• To a car dealer: “This is just a note to compliment you on your Honda service organization. I have found them effective in dealing with problems and thoroughly pleasant in their inter-personal relationships. Give them a pat on the back.”

• To a heating contractor: “This is just a quick note to thank you for your coming to our rescue last weekend incident to the water heater problem.”

• To a travel agent: “Your people have continued the Conlin tradition of unfailing courtesy and indefatigability in their efforts to assist with my sometimes-vexatious travel requirements. With this letter, I do extend to you once again, and through you to all your colleagues in the organization, my gratitude.”

• To a retiring librarian: “The purpose of this letter is somewhat more formally to express to you my own deep sense of gratitude for your leadership in the school’s library activities over the year. Your performance here has certainly been brilliant, for which we are all in your debt.”

People appreciated those notes, even when they were short. Charles Vest, then a University of Michigan faculty member, recalled that his favorite message after being appointed president of MIT was, “from Paul McCracken, one of the most distinguished members of our faculty. That letter said, almost in its entirety, ‘Boy from West Virginia becomes president of MIT: the American dream.’”

McCracken wrote his letters by hand. His secretary typed them, along with the onion-skin copies I discovered during my research. Today, we can send a genuine thank-you in 30 seconds by text or email. I’ve tried to do more of that, and one surprise has been how often I receive a warm reply. My lawn company’s employees probably do not receive many warm thank-yous when customers pay their bills, and they appreciate it when I thank them by name.

That fits with a point Susan Dominus makes in the New York Times Magazine: (“How Nearly a Century of Happiness Research Led to One Big Finding,” May 2025). Decades of research converge on a simple conclusion: “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.” Expressing gratitude, I’ve learned, is a small way to build those relationships in ordinary moments.

I regret not having sent more messages of gratitude earlier in my life. So here’s my closing suggestion, lawyer to lawyer: Send one thank-you message tomorrow. Odds are you’ll brighten someone’s day—and improve your own.

George Siedel is the Williamson family professor emeritus of business administration and Arthur F. Thurnau professor emeritus of business law at the University of Michigan. He is the author of Michigan Ross School of Business: A Century of Stories Celebrating the “Leaders and Best.”

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