Relationship-building is not just a side hustle
In pro sports, trust doesn’t always come easy. The industry is full of big egos and bigger reputations, with front offices that sometimes feel more like chessboards than conference rooms. So when I found myself negotiating a pivotal deal with a legendary athlete known for being tough as nails—and even tougher at the negotiating table—I knew I was already playing from behind.
The stakes were enormous. If it all came together, he’d retire under our organization’s banner and potentially step into a series of high-profile roles: on-air talent, brand ambassador, maybe even something deeper within our group. But getting there felt like a pride-swallowing grind. The deal was stuck on so many critical issues; a loop of cautious emails and positional back-and-forth with his agent was paralyzing all movement.
Then something happened that shifted everything—and it had nothing to do with the deal.
The athlete and his wife had recently experienced a very public, painful loss: the death of their second child. It was the kind of story that sticks to your ribs. My husband and I had just welcomed our first child, and the news hit us harder than we expected.
I had never even met this athlete in person until he showed up at league headquarters for a scheduled public relations appearance. He knew who I was when he made the rounds. He extended his hand with a knowing smirk.
I could have played tough gal or made some strategic comment to game the board. Instead, I blurted out the truth. I told him I was so sorry. That his family’s loss had been foremost in our thoughts as we navigated new parenthood. That I couldn’t imagine the pain they must be feeling.
He leaned in, put his other hand on top of mine. And something cracked open.
What followed was a conversation about parenting, loss and hoping to find joy again. We didn’t talk business. We just talked. And from that moment forward, the ice melted. The deal practically wrote itself. Every contract with him after that—and there were many—came with less friction. We went out of our way to speak at events, even amid live broadcast chaos. And when his wife was expecting again, I was the first person at league headquarters to know.
That moment—born of nothing but sincerity—laid the foundation for a yearslong business relationship built not on tactics, but trust.
Tracey Lesetar-SmithSeeing vs. sizing up
We like to think of relationships as optional—a side hustle to the real work of getting deals done, climbing ladders or checking boxes. But here’s the thing: Your skills get you in the room, your experience keeps you at the table, but relationships are what actually move things forward.
Especially in law and business, where transactional thinking reigns supreme, it’s easy to think “relationships” are something we’ll tend to later —when we’re less busy, more established or actively in need. But relationships don’t work like that. They’re not Amazon Prime: You don’t get to push a button and expect trust to show up overnight. They take time. They take warmth. And they take real interest—the kind you can’t fake for long. So the first step to a rewarding network circle is genuine curiosity about others.
That brand of interest is the fuel of real connection. People know when they’re being sized up versus sincerely seen.
When striking up a conversation with someone, ask about what excites them or what it’s like doing what they do.
Some of the best long-term professional relationships I’ve had started with small human interactions: an apology after bumping into someone, a shared eye-roll during a bumpy panel, a lunch table opening that turned into a yearslong alliance. You can’t engineer that. But you can invite it and put yourself in the way of those opportunities by being open to the first conversation. That’s it. That’s the job. You don’t need to know if this person will become a client, partner, mentor or friend. You just need to be open—right now.
Abundance mindset
A scarcity mindset says:
“There are only so many people I can know.”
“I shouldn’t reach out—I’ll bother them.”
“I don’t have time for new relationships.”
“I want to keep this contact for when I really need something from them for myself.”
An abundance mindset says:
“There’s always someone interesting to meet.”
“Every check-in is a seed planted.”
“Even if it leads to nothing, I’ll be better for the conversation.”
“Connecting people I know is a great way to deepen my own connections with them.”
Don’t think of relationship capital as finite or a zero-sum game. I’d invite you to be generous with your time. Be generous with your ideas and your contacts. Your intro to that pivotal and powerful friend could make the true difference for someone who’s been set adrift after a layoff or who is feeling unmoored as they try to navigate a major transition in their professional (or personal) lives. Hoarding your best contacts for yourself will ultimately come back to bite you, just as ignoring people who reach out and don’t seem critical to your business goals in this very moment could as well. So flex your connections for good, as one day you may ultimately be on the receiving end of something similar that might change the course of your journey.
Keeping it warm
We all get busy. But staying connected doesn’t have to mean carving out hours for coffee dates and deep dives. Relationships are kept warm with small touches—the occasional note, the “thinking of you” text, the article-forward with a line that says, “this reminded me of your work.”
You just need some rhythm. Not scripts or spreadsheets—just rhythm. Maybe you make it a habit to reach out to three people a month. Or you send a couple of birthday notes each week. That’s it. It stacks up. The world of social media is an incredible medium for staying in touch, encouraging people and sending kudos out to friends doing cool and interesting things in the world. So take advantage of it and send a little love out whenever you can. Celebrate someone’s wins. Stay curious about their journey. When you do, people remember you—not because of your credentials, but because of how you made them feel.
Make it easy on yourself
A few simple principles to keep in mind:
• Anchor to real moments: Life events, shared passions, milestones—use those to spark check-ins.
• Be a bridge: Introduce people. Pass along opportunities. Connections get stronger when you help others build their own.
• Ask good questions: Real ones. Not “What do you do?” but “What’s lighting you up lately?” or “What’s keeping you up at night these days?”
• Show up without a pitch: People can smell a transactional reach-out. Don’t be that person. Be curious, not calculating.
• Give the respect of a response: Make an effort to respond to cold outreach. Of course, if a message is an obvious cut-paste job, cut loose disingenuous fodder. But for those making a bespoke effort, even a simple “appreciate your reaching out!” goes a long way.
Don’t wait to care
The biggest trap is thinking you’ll invest in relationships later. After the deal. After the promotion. After the big case.
But relationships aren’t backup generators. They are the power source. They’re not the reward. They’re the way.
So go first. Be real. Reach out. Put yourself out there. It might just be the start of everything.
This story was originally published in the June-July 2025 issue of the ABA Journal under the headline: “Not a Side Hustle: Skills get you in the room, experience keeps you there, but relationships move things forward.”
Tracey Lesetar-Smith is the CEO of TLSK Advisory and a seasoned sports and entertainment executive with more than 20 years of experience, including as the chief commercial officer of World Sevens Football, former general counsel of NASCAR and former general counsel of Bellator MMA. She also is a lecturer in law at the University of Hawaii William S. Richardson School of Law.
Survival Guide, Esq., offers advice for early-career lawyers through a partnership between the ABA Journal and the ABA Young Lawyers Division. The authors of the column welcome any of your questions. Send them to [email protected].
This column reflects the opinions of the author and not necessarily the views of the ABA Journal—or the American Bar Association.
